Farewell

It’s two days before Christmas and I’m staying in small town Maine with my best friend, with my husband joining us tomorrow, and to be honest it feels like a miracle. I am so utterly grateful. I can so clearly …

5 Truths I’ve Discovered Now That We’re on Our Own

So for almost the first three years of our marriage (we’ll actually hit that milestone on August 15) we lived in our little intentional community with anywhere from 1-3 housemates. The last few months it was just us and our …

My Home

I’m sitting here in the quiet of the pace I’ve called home for the past 3 years and 7 months. The only other place I’ve lived besides my childhood home (I don’t really count the one year I lived in my college dorms). The home my husband and I have lived together for almost the first 3 years of our marriage. The home where I learned to live with so many people in ways that stretched me, but also brought me immense joy. The home where I became friends with the main housemate in ways that make me confident we will be friends long afterwards. The home husband and I got our first pet. The first time I could honestly say I was a resident of Boston, though this city has always been my home. The place where I’ve begun to figure out what makes a home for me not just tracking with my parents decisions. Where I threw parties, game nights, Thanksgivings, and picked out our Christmas tree. The home where I invited people over and could be the host. The place where I shared my life with others intentionally even when it was hard.

My little patch of Boston where I got to know people and serve them coffee with a smile, know the librarians, and memorized the regular bus route. I’m so glad in my own introverted, uncomfortable way I let myself root here. I know I’ll visit this place for awhile yet, but it will no longer be my home. I will rest in those memories when I think back on my life.

I will always be grateful when I heard God pushing me to move here even though it made no sense, but it has been a great blessing. So much community and life giving has grown out of being here. I’m so excited to be moving into a new space with my husband, but tonight I am thinking gratefully of all the memories and love I gained while living here. I love this home dearly, thank you for loving me so well in return.

Is This Adulting?

Raise your hand if growing up is some weird shiz. Or is that just me? Initially you can convince yourself that its a straightforward linear path that everyone is following to hit the jackpot of blissful adulthood, but as you …

Currently and What I Gained from #NaPoWriMo

Life has been interesting these past few weeks, some good things and challenging things. What is really good is that I am so at peace. I have truly healed in ways I really needed to heal post charter school. I will never bad mouth the school, and I have much to be grateful from it, but I am so thankful working there is no longer a part of my life. I have greater hope and confidence and I really am grateful.

Plus this past month was such a great time for my writing life. It started by getting to attend The Muse and Marketplace, and continued as I wrote for NaPoWriMo and continued to do the harrowing work of submitting my writing to various publications, contests, and retreats. I did not get into any of the retreats. But I’m glad I tried.

I will continue to write. And I did write every single day just like I promised myself. One of the neatest things about doing NaPoWriMo (National Poetry Writing Month, like National Novel Writing Month in November, but for poets!) was how much it inspired other writing. I drafted quite a few essays and short stories during that time that I am also hoping to publish.

Basically, sitting down and choosing to write just a poem a day often resulted in much more writing and writing in totally different genres. Once the floodgates opened it all had to come out. I also got out more to various literary events (including House Slam at the Haley House!) and felt more connected to writers. I’m feeling very affirmed in my dream of being a Boston writer. I know I have a lot more work to do (and I must keep up writing EVERY DAY), but this month really proved to me I can make room every day to write as long as it’s a priority. And I really want it to be, because more than anything I love it.

No matter what rejections come. No matter if I’m the only person reading my work. No matter if there are a thousand better writers out there. The reason I write isn’t for fame, publication, or money (and those are all in short supply anyway), but because it is the way I communicate. It is what gives me life. It is what I love to do most in the world. So I write. Okay that’s enough serious writer thoughts for one day. Here’s what I’m currently up to:

Currently…

Loving: my life. On a real note, like I said before last year was heard I fell into a major depression that was so heavy and invading every part of my life, I couldn’t even see it because I thought that was just how life was. I was so unhappy and surviving. I remember literally counting down to when my next break was

Reading: Lots of poetry, Land of the Living by Ashlee Haze, The Witch Doesn’t Burn in This One by Amanda Lovelace, and also some books on writing poetry as well as perusing lots of literary journals.

Listening: to whatever is playing on my Pandora. The repetitive Spotify playlists that loop in Starbucks, and as much Drake as my ears can handle.

Watching: Jane the Virgin Season 4, lots of Key and Peele clips, and the antics of my cat (just kidding he sleeps most of the time).

Thinking About: Everything! All the time, seriously I have so many thoughts going on, mostly I’ve been focused on my writing, my relationships, and my health.

Anticipating: my birthday mostly, the summer, and lots of cool things I can’t quite talk about yet.

Wishing: for good vibes and that my writer wish I made at the Muse and Marketplace actually comes true.

Making Me Happy: my life. Writing. Poetry. My friends. Key and Peele. The good stuff in life, you know. Also my job is pretty great all things considered.

Literary Citizenship

If you are at all involved in the world that writers, editors, and all word nerds live out a major portion of their lives then you have heard the term literary citizen. This is a person, typically a writer who engages in community with other writers, libraries, book stores, and all places that are devoted to supporting books and or writers.

I participate in that community every time I connect with someone who writes, for a lot of writers literary citizenship is played out online particularly on Twitter. Having recently joined Twitter I can attest it is the place to be as a writer (followed by my beloved instagram). This also happens when you’re part of a writer group, go to a poetry slam, network at a conference, read for a lit journal, or do anything to support your fellow writers, because lets be honest us writers need each other though we love our readers like nothing else (I mean who wouldn’t love being told, I read something you wrote and I enjoyed it, that stuff can leave me high for days). This is all to say that I am so grateful for the community of writers and the chance to be a literary citizen.

Last weekend I was given the incredible opportunity to go to the 19th annual The Muse and the Marketplace. There is nothing like being with a bunch of people obsessed with the same nerdy things as you are (and if you’re not a nerd in any capacity, I’m sorry for you we are a delightful bunch). And please note the word given. I was able to go there by a fully paid scholarship, and never before have I felt like I belonged somewhere. That I was deserving, and I hope one day I can pay it forward and not only pay for myself, but pay for someone else to go, because there is no shame in needing the support of your community.

To be an artist is to have a certain amount of privilege. Art is so necessary, but it’s hard to be an artist when you have the bigger concern of getting food on your table. It’s hard to grow as a writer when you don’t have access to resources, and I’m not even talking about classes or MFAs I’m simply talking about being able to read good books, participate in the literary world, and have consistent time to write. So I am grateful that Grub Street constantly strives to make their resources accessible to those who need it.

I am thankful I was able to receive a full scholarship, I’m thankful I was able to take it with grace and feel like I belong. Especially as a person of color. There have been many times in my life I have doubted I belonged, especially as a mixed person, especially when I’m the only or one of a few people of color in the room. I was reflecting on this as I’ve been writing daily poetry for #NaPoWriMo 2018. I wrote a poem about a time in college when I won a scholarship to live on campus my sophomore year of college and was then told by a “friend” that it was because I wasn’t white and wouldn’t have won it otherwise.

That was not the first time accusations like that have been made, and I doubt it will be the last. But let me tell you I deserved the scholarship then, and I sure as hell deserved this scholarship today and you know why? Not because I am the greatest writer ever. Not because I am a person of color and have struggled. Not because I am such a good person. Simply because I am a writer who needed it and decided to ask for help. And every person who applied I have no doubts deserved it too, because sometimes you don’t need to be extraordinary or super deserving, you just need to be a person in need of something. I am thankful to the literary community that this time was my shot.

I was told at the conference, you only need one agent to say yes, one editor to say yes to get published. And that’s all it takes for a lot of opportunities. So I’m going to celebrate every yes I get and do my best not to take a single no personally, especially since it’s typically my writing not me that’s being judged anyway. And when I get to be a more powerful literary citizen I can’t wait until I get some opportunities to say yes too. We all need a leg up we all deserve it, and I do think if I keep pursuing I’ll get one.

Writing Life Updates

I am a writer, which is hopefully made obvious since you are regularly reading my writing (oh you don’t? go ahead and subscribe at the bottom left corner of the page or if your a WordPress blogger just follow me). …

Women are not for your consumption

It’s the end of Women’s History Month and I wanted to finish the month by reminding my blogging community and myself that women are here to be themselves, we were not created to be beautiful, to be married, to be …

There is Room for More Stories

I did two really brave things this month. I applied to two different writing conferences for this fall. Both of them are farther away (one’s a cruise based out of Texas, the other in New Mexico) to places I’ve never been. Both of them would challenge me greatly as a writer. Each of them required me to ask others to write letters of recommendation for me. These scholarships would 100% pay for the conference and include a travel stipend.

Cue the insecurity.

I recognize I still have so many areas to grow as a writer. I also recognize my understanding of the professional writing world is limited. There is so much to learn and understand and I’m soaking in as much as I can, but I’m going to make mistakes and I’m not going to get a lot of the opportunities I’m going to try for. Still there is always the guarantee, I will always miss out on the things I don’t attempt.

The other cool thing I did was see the new A Wrinkle in Time. I loved it. To be honest, I’ll admit I don’t remember a lot of the book at this point, the last time I read it I was a teenager. I remember mostly feeling connected to Meg, enjoying science fiction when it was not typically a genre I enjoyed, and feeling moved by the themes of loss, love, and good vs. evil.

I know some people were dissapointed by parts of the movie that didn’t match up with the book, limited world building, and a simplification of the tessering. But I can recognize that’s probably why I liked it. I’m not a details person (part of why I’m not a fan of fantasy and science fiction, the detailed world building drives me crazy), I like broad strokes, big themes, and vague impressions. It’s actually one of the most challenging things about working at Starbucks, so much attention to detail, but it’s challenging me in a very good way.

The movie was so enjoyable from start to finish, and I could so profoundly see myself in the movie. Meg was a lot like how I was at 15, insecure in my skin, my hair, sad and angry  (for totally different reasons), felt unworthy, and add in insecurities of being mixed race and never being able to be like everyone else. Yeah, been there done that.

So I bring this up, because when I first read the book I related to Meg because of her personality, but when I watched the movie, I related because she was just like me in every conceivable way. And when that’s par for the course, you don’t even have to think about it. In fact it might even be jarring to you to not be able to relate to a character in those ways.

 

It also felt wonderful to not have the movie be about race, it was just there for me to find comfort and connection in. Stories that feel like the world I live in are going to be the stories I’m going to push for in the future, in my own writing, and in what I chose to put my money behind. Every person should have that opportunity all the time. And it’s also important to read and watch stories about people you don’t relate too. I try and read stories about characters from a variety of backgrounds, genders, and sexualities. I hope you do the same. I hope that is how your real world looks, diverse people of a variety of ages, colors, and genders.

Anyway I’ll step down and say I hope I get these opportunities (or at least one of them), I want to contribute stories that better reflect our world. I hope other writers different from me get these opportunities. If you have the inclination to write, please do, we need your voice.  Because I can promise you while the shelves are brimming over with books and the theaters are brimming over with movies, there is always room for another good story. Always.

So You Want To Talk About Race

“Racial oppression should always be an emotional topic to discuss. It should always be anger-inducing. As long as racism exists to ruin the lives of countless people of color, it should be something that upsets us. But it upsets us …