Only three more weeks of camp and I’m starting to feel it.
Not to mention starting to feel the reality that I don’t have my life together. Or sort of.
I do have a job that starts in the fall, granted it’s part time and working for a former professor, but it’s a job, and it’s mine, it’s work I’m good at, though can still learn from, and I get paid.
I’m engaged to a wonderful guy and both of us are putting aside money so next summer we can actually start our lives together.
I have clear goals that I can realistically conquer over the next couple of months (after camp, for serious everything is after camp).
And I’m doing well at my job and I know the things I’m learning and progressing in at camp are going to be a benefit to me for the rest of my life…but still,
sometimes I can’t be proud of myself and my progress. I want to compare myself. I look at my facebook feed and see the things current college grads are doing and decide I’m short of what they’re doing. It’s so hard to look at yourself and say you are doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. It’s hard to say that you’re only going to allow God to define you. Really hard.
It’s hard to justify spending a summer at camp when I could be working a “grown up” job and preparing for real life. And yet,
despite missing my fiance, my family, my friends, not earning that much money, and working a job that’s not at all in my field (though is still improving me as a person in tons of ways),
Still, I’m so glad to be here, because I’m part of why girls come back year after year. I help girls learn to be independent. I help girls to look at themselves and see an awesome human being. I see girls realize they’re actually really good at doing some things. I see girls start building up life long friendships. I learn each and every week how to step it up as a leader and a mentor. I gain my own skills right along with the girls in firebuilding, cooking, and cleaning. Never before have I had to push myself every week to be on the top of my game and communicate well. And I spend my days and nights outdoors, make crazy desserts, and play the craziest games, and laugh and laugh and laugh.
So it’s good I’m at camp, because most likely it’s my last summer so I’m going to enjoy the crap out of it.