Angst

Surprisingly this word has only come up twice before in my blog and was only briefly used. If you know me, I use this word frequently to describe my moods. According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary angst is– a strong feeling of being worried or nervous : a feeling of anxiety about your life or situation. AKA the tune of my life.

Of course there is the Bible that says: Don’t worry, cause the birds, the flowers, the grass, they don’t work and I care for them oodles, don’t forget you’re way more important than a bird, even penguins.

And of course, stress is bad for your health, your mind, and basically your livelihood.

And while I am much wiser with stress and angst than I was even just last year, currently my life is rife with angst. This post is simply to reach out to those around me, my glitter gang and say it’s okay. Not that you should angst perpetually, please don’t. But angst is a normal part of life, even for well adjusted college graduates.

We often hear the word to define the teenage years sometimes to simply pooh pooh and say oh those angsty teenagers. But having gone through it, and still navigating it being full of angst sucks. Knowing your making yourself crazy with worry sucks. Feeling huge stress about your problems and the worlds problems (because somehow those always get dragged in too) sucks.

You know my favorite scripture for a long time has been Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all thy heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths.

While it’s been on my heart since my early teen years I am still learning what it means to acknowledge Him and free Him and myself up for God to make the paths. So I’m stressing about minor things in my wedding planning. I’m mulling anxiously over what life will be like with my new husband. I’m desiring this wedding to be pleasing to God, but just kind of hoping that everyone doesn’t totally hate it. I’m wondering if I’ll ever get a job that I actually love to the core, instead of one that has a nice surface. I’m wondering what God has for me in terms of ministry, church, marriage, and life at large. I have some things to sort out with friends and family with communication and relationship and it’s heavy on my heart. I’ve got angst. I’m not afraid to say it, pray about it, or express it. So for those of you in the mid 20s age with a college degree and a dream in your heart who also have more angst than they’d like to admit. I feel you, let’s ride the wave together, cause after every bout of angst is a rainbow!!!!10325302_10202638709022052_406661364281255000_n

Or more realistically: peace, at least for the moment.

Glitter on,

Juanita

PS Enjoy, this great Potter Puppet Pals clip about wizard angst, the most magical form of moodiness. 

Surprise! Life after College isn’t Always Happy

“I’ve never suffered from major depression, not from the crippling nightmare that I have watched in others, but I haven’t always been very happy. I’ve had—as the many euphemisms go—a hard time of it, been in a bad way, down … Continue reading

Lessons Learned from Wedding Planning

So I’ve got marriage/weddings on the brain I mean I guess it’s reasonable. My countdown tells me we are a mere 43 days away from tying the knot. Also I found this and got a chuckle and a reassurance:

All the major stuff is done. There are so many little things though, that apparently matter. Like it’s a good idea to have a wedding timeline otherwise people will probably just run around confused and being like “When should we take the pictures?”

Also people care about things to differing degrees than you do. And you have to weigh that and also work within reality.

No amount of people thinking it’s not good enough to have simple lunch food will make your budget able to feed people a richer meal (and the suggesters are rarely offering money, but let me tell you, they’re rich in ideas).

But seriously, wedding planning is a wild ride. And S and I will not come out of it unscathed. We will also come out of it better. And most of all we will come out of it married.

So for this post I just wanted to share some things I’ve learned from wedding planning things I think will apply to those other lovebirds in my life, but will hopefully offer something to those who are in other seasons of life.

1. Working/Communicating together takes Work. I think there have been times in our relationship that we took our communication for granted. Where small issues were pushed under the rug and big things we fought about with all the rage and confusion to boot. But then we were engaged and having to make big decisions on a much more frequent basis and raging at each other all the time was just exhausting. So with each argument we have been learning to really listen to each other, a key part is not forming your rebuttal as the other person is speaking. I’ve realized this truth as a camp counselor, in friendships, yet it’s wedding planning that made me realize communication is work.

2. You can’t have only that ONE person. It’s really easy in any stage of a relationship to only have eyes for your love. To only spend time with your love. To only prioritize your love. This is multiplied three fold once you get engaged because you can get all moony eyed and in love. Yet, I’ve found though more than ever I need more than him. And friends and family have offered support. Whether it’s helping out with a wedding task, having someone to gripe about how different S is from me, or to simply have another person to spend a good meal with, you might be marrying one person, but you still need a community of people to love and support you.

3. You can’t live by everyone else’s expectations. Everyone has an opinion on your wedding. Seriously. People will surprise you, they will insist, if you don’t have xyz it’s not a real wedding. You will try to appease. But you cannot. Listen to God. Listen to your spouse to be, and listen to yourself. Not that you can’t do things your family or friends want, but if it goes against your values, your budget, your comfort, then it won’t be a part of your wedding. This is true for a lot of things in life, and is not always easy to follow through on.

There is more I’m sure, but it is late and this bride to be is going to get some shut eye for the night.

What’s the crazy big thing going on in your life: unemployment, school frustrations, family, illness, getting older, adventures, mission trips, a major move, perhaps wedding joys and woes of your own. Share with me glitter crew what are you hating, what are you learning?

Juanita

Currently

I really want to post something fun, and it’s late and there is just too much SERIOUS thinking going on in this head of mine so here goes.

Here is what I’m currently…

READING

The Bible (cause I’m trying to dig into it everyday, I’m currently reading Titus) and The Choice by Nicholas Sparks because Miss J had it, and I like romantic and wanted to see if he’s all that he’s cracked up to be. I have to say the story itself is sweet so far and fascinating looking at the choices made in a relationship, but the writing itself is really mundane, or even too much at times. It’s like we don’t have to hear everything the characters say, you can summarize, it’s okay.

WRITING

Nothing. Sigh. Well, okay I write for this blog, and I write cover letters, cause I’m job searching, but stuff for me or to develop creatively. Nope and every day I don’t the harder it is to get back into.

LISTENING

Whatever is playing on the radio, I’ve been dancing most mornings in my room. Or I play Britt Nicole, she’s always got a song that speaks to my soul, or just gets my feet moving.

THINKING

About life and what exactly is going to happen in roughly 7 weeks. Mostly I’m just trying not to worry, to cross of my to do list, to pray all the thoughts cause only God can handle them, and getting pumped for marrying the husband to be.

SMELLING

nothing…

WISHING

Time would move, 7 weeks feels like forever. And that I could have that full time job already. But you know it will all work out, and I’m going to make some unforgettable memories this summer.

HOPING

That people will love our wedding. That this weekend celebrating with my brother will be fun. That I’ll gain some clarity on two things in my life that I just don’t know how to move forward with (sorry, being intentionally cryptic!)

WEARING

My “livin’ the camp dream” t-shirt and a pair of shorts. Ahh, comfort.

WANTING

To snuggle with my fiance tonight. A new job to show up. And a cat. Oh and for love and peace and joy to reign in the earth.

NEEDING

Water, I’m thirsty, but I’m going to finish this post first. Nothing else, I’m at peace in this moment of writing nonsense 🙂

FEELING

That I should get to bed soon, content, and excited to spend the weekend with S and family (I know it’s only Tuesday).

CLICKING

Through all my WordPress favorites and facebook, always the facebook.

What are you currently up to?

Good night,

Juanita