Today marks roughly a month of full time job searching. One month of shedding my job as a tutor. One month of spending way more time at home. One month of excessive cat cuddling (at the moment of this writing, Mittens is curled up against my legs, we’ve been on and off cuddling since I woke up this morning at 6). One month of getting really good at cover letters.
There have been some accomplishments–
- I applied to 52 jobs
- I have done 6 interviews and am going to have a second interview for one of those jobs next week
- I have read a bunch of books
- celebrated my second wedding anniversary in NYC
- practiced driving 4 times and have started to use the accelerator and get on the road.
- started a Girl Scout troop (I’m sure you’ll be hearing more about that later, we don’t officially start until October though)
I was hanging out with the friend I’m starting the troop with and being a bit dejected about not having a job, and unemployment being basically a non stop bummer. And they were like no it’s funemployment time to get down to business of finding a job, but also do whatever I want.
I wish it was that simple, having all this time doesn’t make me more motivated to exercise, embrace hobbies, write, or any of that good stuff. Nope it makes me more introverted (so rather then mere processing and reflection it becomes navel gazing and obsession), more focused on my sadness, wasting my life on social media, and excessive TV watching.
Especially that last one I don’t watch a lot of TV or movies regularly my viewing time for a week is typically under 5 hours. When I’m depressed I can watch TV for a minimum of 5 hours a day. Even with people and books around, when I get into a particular mood and it just feels like the only thing worth doing. I hate how much TV I’m watching, but I’m such a loser and have nothing else to do I should do this thing that makes me feel horrible because my life is meaningless anyway. Pretty extreme, right?
But I’m sure most of you have been in that mindset at some point. So some good things have happened and some good things are on the horizon like one of my best friend’s coming to visit me in October. Fall is coming, while summer is the best, it’s a good time of year. I saw one of my dear college friends get married. It’s been a good summer and having more time with my husband has been a gift.
But I’m ready to go back to work. I’m ready to have a routine again. To have consistent plans and places to be Monday through Friday. To have a reason (besides you know being alive) to get up in the morning. Even though there is also a little fear involved, I worked two challenging somewhat miserable jobs over the past two and a half years. I think I’ve gained some needed experience and it’s making a difference in this go around of job searching.
But I’m holding on to hope for the future, that one of these interviews will pan out and if not, something eventually will. If nothing else I can prove to any job I will show up, I will work hard, and I can be miserable and still contribute greatly to your team.
Here’s to hoping I don’t have to be miserable next go around.
So what keeps you motivated when you’re in a not so great job or unemployed? What do you love to do with your free time however that looks right now? How do you stay motivated when things aren’t panning out the way you intended?