Surviving the World with a Uterus When You Don’t Have Kids (Yet or EVER)

Today I’m going to talk about babies.

More exactly the pressure to have babies once you have a spouse.

Because I’m in that weird stage of life where many of my friends are getting married and then another chunk of them are diving into parenthood. What the what!

My husband and I do intend to have children, but our timeline is between us and to be honest, it’s in constant negotiation because I’m not totally ready to have kids, I’m getting there though. So I thought I would make a score card in the vein of Jon Acuff’s Surviving Church as a Single.

NOTE: Also adoption and foster care are amazing and awesome ways to be parents, but I will be focusing exclusively on people who become parents through pregnancy.

Surviving the World with a Uterus Score Card

  1. You were asked when you were going to have kids after some time of serious dating +3
  2. You were asked when you you were going to have kids shortly after getting engaged +2
  3. Someone told you soon after the honeymoon “What if you have a honeymoon baby?” +1
  4. You responded to any of those questions with “It’s none of your damn business”  -1
  5. When you decided to adopt a pet someone commented “must be training for when you guys decide to have kids” +2
  6. You have any sign of sickness (especially vomiting) and someone asks you, “do you think you might be pregnant?” +5
  7. People try to get you to babysit their kids to give you “practice” +2
  8. You are so concerned about accidentally getting pregnant you sometimes use two forms of birth control. -3
  9. And you are very aware of when you are ovulating -2
  10. Every few months (weeks or days) your parents ask you, “so when are you giving us grandkids?” +5
  11. Every time you babysit you are overwhelmingly delighted that you are not the one responsible for them. -3
  12. Someone has lectured you about the eating right, lowering your caffeine intake, or taking a daily vitamin so you’re ready to have a baby at any time +3
  13. You’ve eaten things they said you shouldn’t eat in response to these well meaning lectures. -2
  14. Every time you see a baby you have this intense desire for one and gratefulness you don’t. -1
  15. Someone has sincerely told you that God’s desire for all marriages is to be fruitful and multiply +1
  16. You have responded, it’s perfectly fine for married people to not have kids. ever. +5
  17. Someone has told you a horror story about pregnancy, but finished by saying, “but most pregnancy’s are pretty uneventful” +3
  18. Without asking about your desire for kids someone has prayed for you to be greatly blessed with a bounty of children. +2
  19. You’ve been told to do everything fun now because kids will take all your energy and you won’t be able to do anything really fun again -4
  20. Every time you have your period you do a little victory dance because your body is doing it’s magic and keeping the babies away +3
  21. Day to day you fluctuate between I want all the babies and I could have babies never. -5
  22. You’ve had many conversations with your partner about timelines for when babies could happen +1
  23. You’ve wondered how your parents had an oops baby because you’re really not able to see right now how you could fit a child in your life +2
  24. People assume you’re always free to babysit because people without kids have “so much free time.” +3
  25. After telling someone about some cool trip or thing you’ve done lately, they chuckle and say, “you’ll miss that, when you have kids.” +2
  26. A stranger has asked you if you were pregnant +2
  27. A stranger has asked you about your plans for kids +2
  28. Someone has told you not to worry about your career since you’ll be a stay at home parent soon enough. +3
  29. You absolutely want to have kids, but the idea of being pregnant skeeves you out +1
  30. You look forward to being pregnant and seeing your body do amazing things +1

How did you score? Did I miss any? Have you experienced some that just weren’t on my list?

I would love to hear your experience and your score in the comments below.

Also I’m not pregnant, thanks for asking 😉

Glitter on,

Juanita

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5 thoughts on “Surviving the World with a Uterus When You Don’t Have Kids (Yet or EVER)

    • It really can be! I think what makes it easy for us is that we know we want kids, just not yet, but many are uncertain or leaning towards no and then having people you know (or barely know) have interest in your plans for kids is uncomfortable to say the least.

      • Yeah, a lady at a church camp (where Jason was working for a few days) was almost angry at me when I said I might just want one child. Then she went on to tell me that I was wrong, and “Do you want your child to be lonely?” Here’s the kicker, I was raised an only child and turned out fine. Her narrative baffled me honestly, how much she loves to “stir the pot and cook the food” for her 4 children. I don’t think that’s the life for me.

      • Maybe it’s selfish, but I worry I’ll be cast off from society if I don’t have a kid. My close friend is more comfortable it’s her mom friends than with me, and that makes sense. Families hang out with other families. It is sad to think about, but what many people don’t understand is I would actually be acting selfishly if I had a kid for that reason – to fit in. There’s more to life than fitting in. So if Jason and I have a kid, it will be for more spiritual reasons.

      • Honestly, I think that’s a legitimate concern. Especially because so many people change their lives and social circles once they have kids. I’m actively working to create a community of people I can count on kids or no kids. But it’s not easy and it doesn’t always make sense to people. Families do tend to hang out with families. Yeah having a kid I suppose is a slightly selfish endeavor no matter what, but if you have mostly the right reasons behind it, you can’t go wrong.

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