Since I was young teenager (think 13-15) I had in my mind a lot of concrete perceptions of being an adult and for a number of reasons (mostly ones I can’t remember anymore) 25 stuck in my mind as an adult age. That’s when I would figure a lot of things out. That’s when I would consider marriage. That’s when I’d be a full-fleged adult.
Sure I had the fantasies most people do around turning 18, but I also recognized in a lot of ways I would still be a teenager. That I would have just begun being an adult. By 25 though, by then I would have it figured out.
Or so I thought.
As it turns out I’m 25 today and I’m still figuring a lot out.
Although I did get ahead in some of my hopes and dreams. I assumed if I even wanted marriage by then, I wouldn’t even consider it until 25. Here I am at 25 almost married for 2 years. Life is funny that way.
And God, well, God’s full of surprises.
Like here I am living in the same home with my husband and a housemate who has become like family for almost 3 years. I thought for sure when I moved in it was temporary. The kind of temporary where you don’t have to get close or invested, you just move on. But God He always has better plans. Plans to reshape me, push me to love and invest, and change my very understanding of what makes sense. God will flip your life upside down if you left him.
I can attest the reason I’m living this life in this space goes back to me saying yes to ENC and commuting. That was a trust in God. A trust that he would take care of me and supply for my needs. He has rarely done things the way I’ve expected, but he has always giving me exactly what I needed.
Turning 25 feels wild, part of me can’t fully wrap my mind that I’m at this age. Like I have such strong tangible memories of being 12 and(mostly) carefree, getting treats at the corner store. And it’s been 13 years since then. And I’m sure another 13 years is going to go by and I’m going to be utterly amazed by all that has happened.
It’s also funny too because some of the things I thought I wanted/didn’t want by this point have changed so much.
I was so determined to have this wild independent life. I was firmly committed to dating and doing what I want, and I absolutely wouldn’t consider getting married until I was at least 25. I mean that was my attitude when I started dating my husband. He surprised me by going straight for the jugular and asking me to be his girlfriend before we started dating, but I can admit it now I was young and eager and drunk on chemistry. I had never been so intensely attracted to someone (and I wasn’t even especially physically attracted to him at that point, this was mainly emotional/mental chemistry). I told myself he would be an okay first boyfriend, we’d have our fun and I’d find another guy. Turns out he was a very good first boyfriend, so good I never could get rid of him.
Oh but the places I thought I would go. The adventures I thought I would seek out. The unhappiness I thought I would have if I stayed and yet as I’ve grown staying is all I ever dream about. Sure I want to see the world (and even just more of America), but Boston is my home. Little did I realize how wide the world would go once I had full responsibility for my life.
I’ve discovered now that rather than a final destination that you reach once you get to a certain age, adulthood is the longest journey of your life that ends when you end. Maturity is an ongoing process. I’ll take some steps forward, some back. I’ll be good in one area and need a whole lot of work in another.
Mostly I’m really good. This has been one of the more challenging years of my life. So far 23 was the best year of my life (year I got married for a little bit of context), all the years of my life have had their gifts and challenges. Twenty four showed me that I had friends, true friends, people who would be there for me in the midst of anxiety and heaviness. I could see that I had a lot of happiness even when spending time at work was the worst. And God He’s been there through it all, scolding, guiding, loving
So bumps and bruises and all I’m glad I’ve what I’ve been through. I’m grateful God hasn’t given me the adult life I imagined. Twenty five years of life isn’t what I expected, but I’m loving it. I’m excited to see what God has in store for the next 25 years of life.