One Year In: Married Life

Hurrah it’s been a whole year, and what a year, even without getting married there’s been so much change, but what’s made it easier and more beautiful is how we’ve been there for each other through it all in ways we couldn’t when we were just engaged or dating. As cheesy as it sounds my love and my gratitude for him has grown exponentially for him this year, but not to get too romantic we’ve also managed to discover new depths of annoyance (I’m not sure if there’s an end for either of us).

 

Tonight we’re going to dine out in Boston and celebrate our new life together just us.

To commemorate our year together I wanted to share 10 things I’ve learned from a year of marriage.

  1. Sex is Awesome So we waited until we got married to have sex. I’m glad of it. I do recommend if you’re going to do that, don’t wait for 4.5 years to get married, it just makes saying no harder and harder and some boundaries you had no intention of pushing will get pushed in that time. We’ve always been on the same team so it was actually really okay that the first few times we’re weird and awkward. Also movies lie, people fart way more during sex than is ever portrayed.
  2. Marriage is Not a Non-stop Sex Party We go days without having sex sometimes. Sometime’s we’re too tired or choose Netflix over it (only occasionally of course). Though I have to say there is nothing like coming home after you haven’t seen each other in a few days that makes you want to get under the sheets.
  3. Pregnancy Rumors Abound Symptoms: sneezing, runny nose, itchy eyes, has a uterus. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been asked if I was pregnant when I had symptoms that did not in anyway coincide with the early signs of pregnancy (yes, I have looked them up, what’s your point?). We actually do have rough ideas about when we want to have kids, which I’m fine talking about with most people, but sometimes the assumptions and eagerness turn me off. And also even if I’m pregnant unless you’re in my inner circle I have zero obligation to tell you anything. Zero.
  4. The Shocked Face Continues Considering strangers and acquaintances were always surprised when I was engaged (and felt free to give unsolicited advice as well), the shock has only intensified when I tell people I’m married. Not that surprising though, I think most people assume I’m much younger than I am. And then my age is still somewhat young to be married, oh well.
  5. It Was a Really Good Year I’ve been told the first year is the hardest year of marriage, but honestly, it’s been the best year of our relationship. We also have been together for 4.5 years prior to being married so I think that helps a lot. For us though so much felt easier, spending time together isn’t complicated by separate residences, our money is now all in the same pot going towards fun and adventures we can more easily plan together, and not having to keep up certain boundaries anymore.
  6. Beds So beds are two fold, it’s awesome getting to snuggle up and talk about your day at night just lying in bed together. Or watch movies, or Pokemon and laugh together. It’s been a place of intimacy and connection. But beds are also the place you sleep, so sometimes the other person keeps snoring no matter what position he’s in and…you. just. can’t. sleep. Or one of you is a bed hog and is always stealing the blankets (less of a problem in the summer, thankfully).
  7. Not Mrs. Housewife  So I never wanted to be the wife who was doing all the cooking and cleaning, managing our social lives, and honestly just generally doing my damndest to make his life easier. Now I do cook and clean for us and even specifically for him. I make his lunches sometimes, but most days I expect him to handle his stuff. I don’t make his doctors appointments, I don’t make sure he spends time with his friends. I mention Mother’s day is coming (cause we both have moms), but if he sends his mom a card or not that’s his choice. I’m always here to love, support, and affirm, but at the end of the day he fed himself long before I was part of his life, I don’t have to be 100% responsible for that now that I’m married. I’ve got writing to do, thank you very much.
  8. Social Life I don’t think we’ve gotten any more insular than how we were before, we’re still a happily introverted couple. If anything I think we’ve gotten better at being a part of our community. There’s less need to carve out “us” time when we get that almost every night. It’s easier to say yes to plans involving parties and friends and we keep connected to a wider joint community through our church. Marriage has also helped us both to see that our friendships are very important and that nourishing those relationships directly benefits our marriage.
  9. We Fight, So What? If anything I feel like our fighting has gotten better, not only that I don’t yell as much, but getting to the heart of why we’re fighting happens quicker. Sometimes we really do need to figure out the budget and emotions come into play and sometimes you’re biting each other’s heads off because you wish you were biting into dinner. But I’m glad we lay things out, we never name call, and if tones get a bit tense we’re good at apologizing and not stretching it much longer than a half hour. And afterwards as the saying goes, we kiss and make up 😉
  10. Little Moments While I love, love, loved our honeymoon, the best part of this year has been those little things. Having friends over. Long meandering conversations. Sitting on our back porch, having dinner like a dozen nights before. Keeping my husband alert by reading him Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, while he drove from PA to MA. Impulsively going to Chic-fil-A and Barnes and Noble, just because. Waking him up on his days off with singing and snuggles. Goodbye kisses. Hello kisses. Let’s get in bed kisses. I just like you kisses. All those little things have added up to so far a really good marriage.

Photo credit: Kassie K. (talk to me if you’re interested in an awesome photographer in the PA, DE area)

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