As people, not just twenty somethings, graduates, or students, we all desire things. Sometimes it’s simple. As a kid you just wanted ice cream or your parents to stop fighting. As adults, we want all that and more, and we worry about our own homes and kids on top of that (sometimes way before we have them).
I am a firm believer that the longings or desires of your heart are important to listen to. Emotions are fickle, wisdom and a little life experience will get that in your head quickly enough, but they are indicators and God gave us them for a reason. One of my dearest friends in all the world is now living in Australia because she was desiring home and doing God’s will and for the foreseeable future he has lead her to Australia. You can think that’s crazy, but those two great desires have lead her to a place that she is thriving in. A place she may have never considered on her own.
I was pondering this Scripture myself: Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. The desires of my heart. As you readers know I desire many things, a job I can grow in, friends who stick around, adventures, intimacy with God, to develop as a writer and publish more professionally, having desires is nothing new. What made me start to ponder this though is an unusual feeling I had: homesickness.
Well, let me clarify homesickness is nothing new, I feel almost every time I leave my home for more than a few days, I felt its pangs when I first moved, I felt it working at camp. This time it was unusual because I felt it here in Boston.
Well, last week my fiance and I took a much needed trip to visit the church we will be getting married in and talk with his grandfather who is officiating and visit with family. It was lovely, they threw us a surprise wedding shower, we got a milkshake along the boardwalk, we saw each other every day, got LOTS of ideas for the wedding, I got to hold a sweet little baby, and we just had such a joyous trip.
I came home, and had to say goodbye to 6 beautiful days with the love of my life the next morning I woke up feeling disoriented. The next two days I realized what I was really feeling: homesick.
I am still sorting it out, but for me it was more than just the desire to be with my fiance every day, though I long for that. More it was the sense of joy, the sense of belonging, I felt they were my family, my community. And that right now is the deepest desire of my heart.
I have wonderful roommates, a great family, beautiful friends, a small devoted church, but I have felt a severe lack of community since I graduated. Being in the Women’s Bible Play helped a lot, but it was only temporary. And usually at least for a time I would have camp to look forward to, but with responsibilities to shoulder and a wedding and marriage to plan I can’t be part of it.
So I’m here 4 long months away from marriage and trying to focus on what God desires of me today as I tell him the desires of my heart. I have no doubts he will give me the community I ache for. And I sense God wants me to reach out to him and share all that’s going on in my heart my needs and wants cause I heard this Scripture in church this week. Anything according to His will. My constant hope is that our wills would be aligned. If there wasn’t a purpose to my longings they would change. I firmly believe that. There’s a reason my friends are thinking of love and marriage, there’s a reason her heart is desperate for travel. There’s a reason he can’t get her out of his head. There’s a reason she feels at peace every time she goes into work. Seek God and He will show you.
Our desires (as long as they’re good and healthy) are great indicators to who we are as a person what will allow us to live out the lives we were meant for. So though I’d rather not be homesick, it will help not to let go of the goodness of our trip. To dwell on the joy of that trip and to be grateful for my fiance who gives me such a strong sense of home.
What are your desires? What are you longing for? What have you been pondering? What seems to pop up wherever you go?