Too Hot–Not Really

So I like the song “Uptown Funk”

Major reason is because I have a roaring crush on Bruno Mars (But S is my one and only forever), he’s cute, he’s got a great voice, and it’s fun to admire him.

“Uptown Funk” to put it lightly is not a Christian song. Euphemisms and self absorption abound. I think part of what I find so charming (apart from the hot beat, and awesome vocals), is the “I don’t give a damn confidence”. I mean take this snippet:

“I’m too hot (hot damn)
Called a police and a fireman
I’m too hot (hot damn)
Make a dragon wanna retire man
I’m too hot (hot damn)
Say my name you know who I am”

He’s so hot he makes a dragon want to retire, I don’t think I’m that hot. I don’t really think anyone is. But to sing it boldly, maybe I admire it a little. Oh, I know that in Christian talk, we are servants, we love and we see others as greater than ourselves. That is the lifestyle I want as a new creation, the old me though the old me wants to walk into a room and have people say “hot damn”.

Actually it’s funny, S and I were in premarital counseling and the pastor, is not who’s officiating (since our officiant is in another state), but he knows both of us fairly well and he made the casual remark that I don’t like talking about myself. Which is true for anyone who knows me, which is ironic being a writer and writing, but hey writing is so much easier than sharing my heart through words. Plus they’re looking right at me! But here’s the thing I want people to think I have it going on. That I’m an awesome writer (with the talent to back it up of course). I love a good compliment. I like admiration. But the reality is that’s not the life I should be seeking. At the end of the day I want God to shine his face upon me and be proud of me. I don’t like that I need human affirmation. I pray about it and God’s working on me, but I get the feeling it’s going to be a lifelong journey. What makes it hard too is I know I don’t even deserve it.

Not to say I’m a talent-less slob, but I’m not the big deal I want to be. I’m an average person in the best way. I think I’m practiced and getting better at many things in my life, I’m getting to be a better human, that’s for sure. But I don’t have it all together. I get stressed out when I do pretty much anything involving wedding planning. I hate talking about myself. Job searching makes me feel like throwing up. Sometimes I lose touch with my family members for too long periods of time. My prayers are mush. I get angry at dumb things. I spend too much time in my pajamas. I am irrevocably human as I aspire to holiness.

I’m not too hot, frankly a lot of times I’m lukewarm, the kind that makes God spit me out all over the table. But I am loved, and in that love I am made holy. So I don’t have it all together (and well, even Bruno Mars isn’t actually too hot). And probably I should not look to man at all and only to God. Thank goodness, in a modern world full of choices, and technology, and catchy songs there is a God who loves and forgives and says Juanita, when you’re on fire for me, that’s all you need. Because, hot damn, God is awesome.

Glitter on,

Juanita

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