So I try to not repeat topics too much, but I think I have a different insight on this topic so bare with me.
So passion is something I talk about a lot on this blog in one way or another, back in the early days of this blog I wrote a whole post just on passion. And well, it’s honestly an obsession of mine, am I living a life of passion? Have I found my passion? Where should passion manifest?
And well, I’m often concerned about finding my passion in my work/career life–but perhaps I should be re-thinking that. You see in just these few short months I performed in a show, I hosted my first adult party, and I got to reconnect and celebrate with old friends.
What do these things have in common? They gave me joy.
Because honestly as much as I love caring for Miss J (that’s the dear older woman with dementia I spend time with) and working for her family there are some days I’m just getting through things. I don’t complain. I’m thankful for the paycheck, the flexibility, and going home feeling that I did something with my time. But honestly I’m not passionate, sometimes to keep myself sane, I find something I know will keep her quiet and occupied so I don’t have to answer (yet again) questions about family, where she lives, and when she’ll see her son again (who she literally saw less than an hour ago).
Anyway my point is I’m grateful but this elusive passion is not likely to be found spending time with Miss J or working in the classroom (although some moments in the classroom can be pretty fantastic, and okay sometimes my times with Miss J).
But I find such joy, such passion, such life when I’m hosting an adult party for my friends and family with my fiance. I feel those same feelings when I’m speaking about the things that matter to me: women, the Bible, my Creator, love, writing, all things that came up in the play I was a part of. I felt that this weekend, when I could just be with old friends, and laugh and feel loved and known. I feel that when I sit with my family and have a warm meal with them. I feel that when I watch a good movie with my roommates. I feel that when I’m immersed in a good book. I feel that when I pray. I feel that when I’m snuggling with my fiance. I feel that when I catch my long distance Bestie on Facebook messenger. It’s a million little things and for now I don’t feel that much when I’m grading or with Miss J. I’m so grateful for the work because it gives me the time to do those things, to live in a place I love, and money to spend on adventures like going to Fire + Ice for the first time (highly recommend it by the way, especially if it’s someone’s birthday, and don’t pay anyone mind who tells you it’s too much to get three plates of food)!
So I guess that’s how I’m rethinking passion. Hold on to those moments. Enjoy them, relish them. Respect that life is full of ups and downs (sometimes within a day), and think about what moments spark you with joy.
Because, seriously, it’s okay that you don’t want to do a magical happy dance while you’re at work. It’s okay if you’re just grateful it pays the bills. It’s okay if you dream more about spending time with loved ones then spending time working. It’s really okay. Passion ebbs and flows. New things come into your life. God has you focus on some things more and other things less. I’m getting more comfortable with finding passion everywhere, and accepting that in some parts of my life it’s just not.