Why Can’t Everything Be Easy

Sometimes being an adult sucks, because you have to make choices. Choices you find good ultimately, but that can still leave you with a lingering sense of loss and disappointment even though you value the decision you made. So let me give you more detail. So as you readers know I’m in a play about Bible women. Modern women relating to women in the Bible and asking some really serious questions. Well people loved it, which is amazing, and I’m still processing that and how awesome that is. It’s overwhelmed me honestly. I mean I love this show, don’t doubt that for a moment, but I never for a second thought this would go beyond this weekend. And people within and outside the cast have big dreams for the show. And honestly I don’t. I’m grateful God could use me. I’m blessed I said yes, but I have a lot of hopes and dreams that don’t involve this show and don’t extend beyond this semester. You know how somehow you know when you’re supposed to be a part of something and when you’re not. That’s how I feel. And well, I was going to throw my first grown up party. To celebrate being in my new place, my relationship with S, and honoring myself and my journey. And by committing to be in the encore performance, I commit to postponing my party. Which means now some people won’t be able to make it. Which means I have to readjust my life. And I am disappointed. I have been so excited for this party. And I don’t like change. And well, it was going to be a relief for this show to be over. I love it. I’m glad it’s being used in such wild ways, I’m glad it’s opening hearts, I am beyond humbled. But still this party is important. And I refuse to deny that to myself. I think that’s one thing that I never realized about growing up, there’s so many factors into making a decision. It’s not as easy as saying yes or no. Compromise is huge. And that part of being true to yourself is admitting what’s important to you even when others just don’t get it. So I’m glad to be a part of this show. I’m glad that more people will have the opportunity to see this show. But I’m also not all my heart committed to loving it and being a part of it forever however far it goes beyond next weekend. And I’m disappointed I won’t be having a party this weekend. And I wish I could easily make the decision and just be a ball of joy about it. But I’m not, sometimes being a self aware adult sucks. Growing up isn’t always glitter, sometimes times it’s conflicting feelings, tough decisions, and being misunderstood. Glitter on, Juanita


One thought on “Why Can’t Everything Be Easy

  1. Pingback: 2015, Good times, old chum | Post Graduate Glitter

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