So you know in the Bible when Jesus says, “Oh, ye, of little faith.”? I’m that person.
I am of little faith. And I realize this and I work on it. And I pray about it, and sometimes I have internal arguments between my head and my heart.
Head: Nothing is working, you’re never going to get married, you’re going to have to get two more jobs even though you’re at max capacity of jobs to balance, along with the play, but you’re still not doing enough.
Heart: Bring it all to Jesus, he wouldn’t want you to be stressing.
Head: But if I don’t stress none of the things will get done!
Heart: But you don’t have to do all the things anyway, and talking to our Lord always soothes you.
Head: Maybe, you heart, but I’m the one in charge, if we just followed your love and feelings we’d never get the stuff done, and then where would be: loveless, miserable and homeless.
Heart: You are exaggerating, where’s your faith, Jesus said he would care for us, be faithful in what you’re doing, he’ll let you know what to do next, when it’s time.
Head: You are so dumb. And I don’t need faith, I have enough strength to handle it all, if you would just stop arguing and let me think.
And so the two conflict. Its’ a mess, and the heart, though quieter, is so much wiser, and much more joyful than my stressed out head. But the head has a way of overpowering the heart, that hurts both of them.
Right now working through the Bible Women’s Project with some incredible women is strengthening my faith, it’s hard to not see God in action, when you see his light shining so brightly through his people.
Praying with them, laughing with them, spending time with them, seeing them light up on the stage, it reminds me of the true joy of simply being alive, and I see God at work in their spirits and their lives. It’s much easier to remember that God is faithful and true, even as some of these stories bring up complex questions about God.
There is also my fiancee. Over a breakfast date with him, I asked, “How come you’re not pressuring me to learn to drive, to get a better job, and do all these things for the wedding I feel like I should be doing, but can’t or won’t.”
And in his matter of fact way he said, “Because I treat you like you’re an adult. I know right now you’re busy with the play and when things settle down with that, because it’s important to you, you’ll do what you need to do.”
“Sometimes I think you have more faith in me than I think you should.”
“Sometimes I wish you’d have as much faith in yourself as I have in you.”
And that conversation is just one of many reasons why I love, adore, and appreciate my fiancee.
I have others to lean on when my faith is waning. Others who have faith in me. Others who exemplify what faith in the Holy One is.
So while I can’t say I’ll have faith everyday in the little things, when I’m weak the Holy One and the people He’s blessed me with will carry me through.
What do you do when you lack faith?
Have faith and glitter on.