Graduation is weird. Really lovely, and weird. I feel like the rug is getting ripped out from under my feet. One day my life is all about getting an education, accomplishing goals, and moving towards that degree, now it’s over. I have finished all my classes, passed my comps, turned in assignments, all I have to do next is walk across that stage so I can earn my degree underneath a rainbow of glitter.
Just kidding, there won’t be glitter.
There will be applause though.
I get to pick up my degree and supposedly start doing all the amazing things this degree prepared me for. And it’s prepared me for a lot. I’m a much better writer than I was as a freshman. So much better. I’m a lot more confident, and I’m a much fuller human being. I think about how much I’ve grown, spiritually, emotionally and mentally.
God and I have a much deeper personal relationship. I trust him implicitly and I’m so excited to live out my life glorifying him.
College was easy though. Easy in the sense that I had a clear goal every single day. I knew exactly what I was working towards. Now I have to set up those goals for myself. I really have to work to live out my values and create the life I want to live. That scares me. I think I’m scared God will let me know what he wants me to do and I will just loaf. I will live an apathetic, simple, consumerist, unloving life. I will grow minimally, I will pay off my debt slowly and painfully. I will basically live my anti-ENC life because I no longer have that environment to fall back on to.
I hope my awareness of this fear, and my desire to not live out that fear will keep me from it, that and prayer. Glitter too, always glitter.